Ho Ho Ho

I'd said I'd start Christmas shopping today. Online as thats the only place I can feasibly find some items.I do shop in store but have been generally avoiding shopping unless its a necessity. Grassmen DVDs and Pink Soda Sliders amoung the requests.

https://www.jdsports.ie/search/Pink+Soda+Sliders/
 In fairness I really don't buy for many. We all have enough shite and our interests have diversified so much now that I wouldn't know where to start. Plus theres a twinge of tension between me and certain family members so the giving would be done with a hint of begrudgery. You know the kind where you give a present so your Mother won't be guilting you about it. You wouldn't give it to say that you were that petty.I'm not usually that way but sure Christmas is the time to resurrect sibling rivarly as well as deck the halls. Might not be so bad though. Have to adapt to some people not being there and new family members being added.It's strange it's just another day but we have added layers of meaning to it whether your're relgious or not.
https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/#search/Farming/FMfcgxvzLrKfSDJQWfdpbGKhXtGGJGSH
My mother used to say it was bit rude to visit people on Christmas Day but one our neighbour's son always called in. He was the exception to the rule as he brought the gossip of the country and even makes his own cup of tea.In fairness he is great cráic and breaks the day up a bit. Loads of Charity Christmas Day swims if you feel like Cabin Fever is setting. Charitibility is always a valid excuse.
I've nearly bit my boyfriend  off for asking me what I want for Christmas about 50 times. He was particially doing it to wind me up. I made some semblence of a list as I can't think what I would actually want.
I need to save up for a new car. The Old Toyota won't pass many more NCT's and I may want his help with that. As in a short term loan as I have never had one which means my credit rating probably sucks.So far I can afford about a quarter of car so it's in my best interests to mind her for another bit. Wonder could I get him to write my 2 new tyres and radiator off as my Christmas present? He won't give me the bill anyway and I genuinly would be happy with that.I'm exstatic when he brings me the proper engine oil for her. Apparently thats one thing they are hard on . Otherwise mechanics love them as there are no electrics and parts are easy to get.I'll be sad to see her go. Wonder what I'll get next? It will probably be secondhand.Or if new see me out. That sounds  a bit morbid and maybe over optimistic. My Grandmothers never drove but both died in their nineties.
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Kojak

I used to have a doll called Kojack. He had a stuffed body like a pillow with hard plastic limbs and you guessed it a bald head. My Father brought him from the fair one day. We were wondering what to call him for  bit. Willie Murphy used to visit .When he saw him he  said 'Whose that? Kojack?' .I can't ever remember thinking that it was weird. He's still around but my daughter realigned his gender.
                                                    

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If you left a bowl of sugar or a tub of butter out on the table Willie used to take a spoon of either, eat it fast and carry on talking as if nothing had happened. His Mother was my Fathers Godmother. She was supposed to have believed in alot of piseogs or superstitions.His Godfather was a nephew of The Tec. he was a farmer, not a detective so I dont know where he got that name from. He used to have alot of cattle when there was a bounty on the number of animals. They lived out, wandering big tracts of land. There was no rules about being under 30months for payments. If there was no price for cattle they just left them run on.This meant there could be huge five year old bullocks in the mart with vast horns.Maybe not quite as big as this one but you get the idea.The Organic Famer remembers his Father bringing animals from there hill .They had been checking up on them , that weren't lame, walking around, not loosing weigh but not seen them up close. They had huge horns-not allowed now unless the cattle are rarebreeds or you are sselling directly to a factory. He said even though he was used to animals he was a bit wary of them as he had never seen any as big
https://www.facebook.com/NBCNews/videos/489827674838996/UzpfSTEwMDAwMzU0NDAyNDM4NDoxODIyOTQ0MTgxMTY3MDMy/


https://www.facebook.com/NBCNews/videos/489827674838996/UzpfSTEwMDAwMzU0NDAyNDM4NDoxODIyOTQ0MTgxMTY3MDMy

Inertia

 I  feel  irritable. I have moved myself the last two days meal prepping, doing some cleaning but didn't really go outside. It's Wintery weather but I could have gone for a short walk. It's more my tolerance for the mild bickering and unintentional  mansplaining. Really standard stuff but it feels a bit like Groundhog DayI'm sensitised to it at the moment. Mild jokes about things I'm self depreciative of are hitting nerves. I feel like a child, not in a rose-tinted way. It's because I'm stuck .Again.I've been occupying myself mentally but still feel as if I'm not fully grown. I don't know at what point that changes. Do people have a light bulb moment when they say'This is it? I'm finally an adult' before sliding back  into ' Second Childhood'  .

That what my Grandmother called old age, where you go back to saying precisely what you think, not eating things if you don't like them and telling people if you think they got fat. To their face. Or 'fuck off from me with that thing' when you win an unwanted raffle prize, making them give you a different one. My Grandmother didn't do that it was another lady now in her 90's. The fat thing, she definitely did that.

Maybe that's the stage I have to wait for. When you end up just being you and not worrying about keeping up any semblance of appearances. Then a feeling of anxiety creeps up when things become more difficult for you to do. My boyfriend was saying there a good chance my daughter will live long and have good health. They are pioneering new treatments to manage incurable diseases that people can live with for a long time. The new medication will improve the quality of life. I mean even now you see people well into their 90's in excellent health mentally and physically. Of course, genes play a part, but I think having an interest and being active every day make a huge difference.

I hope I will be one of those people. I dread the thought of being over dependent. The lack of privacy, loss of autonomy.Even though I'm really not being master of my own destiny anyway. I mean we all need help, even if not intellectually or physically disabled. It's the losing power of attorney over myself. Maybe If you get to that stage, you don't care. Perhaps I should just focus on making enough money to pay for everything I need. Then I can take care of a much as possible. I only have one child and I don't want it to be all on her. Sure even now my Mother jokes to her that she'll mind her when she's old. She's probably hedging her bets.S he always said the first child was the guinea pig and she wanted to keep her last baby young forever. I'm the eldest

6 degrees of Separation

I was in search of Swagbucks and decided to google things that run through my head-many things run through my head.I googled 'Why are they still allowed show comedies from the 70's which are a bit racist by todays standards'.Which led me to a thread about shows I'd never seen in the US , next click a case in where a judge replied to a man she was sentencing 'Well you're a bit of a Cunt yourself ' after he called her one. He told her to go fuck herself , to which she replied 'And you too'.She had to apologize but was not sanctione for her 'momentary lapse of judgement ' ,  as she called. In fairness I thought she was quite reserved but a Judge can't really be saying that.The man was being jailed for making racist slurs and insulting a Black Carribean Mother in Harlow ,Essex.It was his 9th breach of an ASBO in 11 years.
I used to live in Harlow, Essex. My daughter was born in Princess Alexandria Hospital. Where Victoria Beckham had some of her babies. You could see the planes circling Buckinnham Palace from the house I was living in when they had their World Cup Party.
I saw Jade Goody coming out of the local Tesco's.She used to own a beauticians called Uglys. She sadly dies very young from Cervical Cancer.I believe her husband Jack Tweed was convicted of assaulted a taxi driver in the same court referenced above.Jeff Brazier , the father of her son's , lives back in Essex with them now.
Today the postman showed The Organic Farmer a photo of his cousin. She is friends with somone else that the postman knows. He randomly met her in bar when he was chattting and they figured the connection.

My  youngest brothers girlfriend  Katie is from Waterford. Her Aunt is a Glass Artist , moved to Kerry and made pieces in the gallery I worked . She knew my Aunt whose from Tippereary but lives in Waterford now. And Katie's cousin is friends with Jade. Her parents gave her up for adoption when they were very young but see her now. They live in Kerry and worked with a very good friend of mine in the past. Sadly I've completely ruined that relationship by ghosting it. I did that with so many friendships in the last ten years. I don't think it was having a child that did it. There are several people who went to school with me who've had kids and still stayed in conatact with eachother.It's a major flaw of mine. But at least everyone else seems to be satying connected.

Have kids, it's great cráic

My daughter was doing French Homework. She was suppsed to draw a map of the house and write in names of rooms etc in French. She forgot the bathroom. I told her to tell the the teacher we have none.She said yeah I'll tell her we dont poop. Geniuses's got to keep the knowledge in'
I was squeezing between a table and and arm chair she said 'You're not a chipstick'
She also thought that it was 'Don't commit  a  Dultry' . And peole must do  'Dultry' alot thats why bothered to put it in the 10 Commandments.

Get me out of here

I never really watch reality shows. I have watched lots of soaps , that was when others I was living with watched them I got into the habit of watching with them. If one features a storyline all the rest tend to follow over the next few weeks. Now my daughter likes Hollyoaks and I'm kinda starting to watch it . She likes I'm a Celebrity ,Get Me out of here too. My boyfriend won't let her watch soccer on his television yet he'll  watch people drinking liquidised fishguts with her.I was nearly getting the heaves .
The weirdest things run through my head.Like if you  have stomach problems from the change in diet and different drinking water.Everyone knows as you all have to use the same non flushable toilet and empty it. there doesn't seem to be any compost or straw to throw over it to disguise the contents and the smell.So everyone knows. So what happens if you get your period? I presume the female contestants take care of it by having birth control fitted or taking pills back to back. I don't think you could be dealing with that in there.Medication is more than likely allowed. We've seen you can be exempt from task due to medical reasons with Ann Hegarthy. I don't begrudge her going in there I just can't get over how brave she is to put herself in that situation. I understand she is one of the higher paid contestants , which is a factor. She has money problems due to issues with her autism. I'm not sure exactly what the story is as only so much comes up online. She will be viewed differently after this as her Governess character is quite serious and refined. It must be worth their while going on it though even for a bit as they keep getting celebrities willing to do it.Except for Gemma Collins when it all got too much for her 'I don't need the money babes' in fairness I don't blame her.
                                                   

South West

Watching re runs of Ballykissangle.They're having their own version of  Puck Fair with a ram instead. Someone mentioned plagarism but Assumpta reckoned the goat wouldn't sue. The local politician on it wanted to copy a bar runners race from The Galway Oyster festival too. He has a pop up bar for the 3 days to coin it in with the festival and go into competition with the only other local bar. Asumpta is the bridesmade of his daughter and her groom is the local guard.Tis  a mash up of every little villge's bit of a festival the lenght of the country.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MN-sH4IOve0


A legend of the fair is a goat that broke away from its herd, while the rest of the herd headed towards the mountains, and warned the town's inhabitants while the “Roundheads” were pillaging the countryside around Shanara and Kilgobnet at the foot of the McGillycuddy Reeks. The advancing army of Oliver Cromwellduring his conquest of Ireland in the 17th century triggered the pillages around the countryside. The goat's arrival alerted the inhabitants of danger, and they immediately set out to protect the town and their herds. This is explained in the traditional Irish ballad, An Poc ar Buile (the Mad Puck Goat).


 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAGhiW3qQvQ


Tommy Tiernan referenced it too
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fl-Etuy_VQk

We have a strange culture of crowning animals but thats the Pagan part still in us. Down from the Tuath De Danan , the Fir bolg and the Fomoreans. A line back to the book of invasions before a Welsh slave boy and plant brought us the idea of Christianity.

Sure even Father Ted had The King of The Sheep. Podge and Rodge didn't bother , they just put Skelligs Chocolate Factory on Kerry Katonas arse instead.And then  Aliens landed in Listowel

Lost in Translation

I'm reading comments from English people on The Unmumsy Mum. blog.They frequently call what I call the worktop the bench, what I call drawers or presses   they call 'draws'or cupboards. My Childs Father is English yet his Mother is Irish.He  didn't know what I was on about when I talked about putting things away in' presses' . He just let me witter on about it for ages before he finally figured it out.And we're all supposed to be speaking English.And what about ditches and dykes? To me the height is the ditch and the hollow the dyke. And you don't dig a ditch you dig a drain. I think tis the opposite way around in the rest of the world.And what about housecoats, dressing gowns and bathrobes?
Ruth: the ruth frequently mentioned is this one. She's fictional. No Real Ruths were harmed in the making of this thread.

Heres the thread for you to enjoy. I never thought things like this could be so funny yet here I am skitting in the corner with my  13 year old looking at me as if I'm not right in the head.Are you a Ripper or a Snipper?
/https://www.facebook.com/theunmumsymum/

Broadening my mind

I've pre ordered Constance Hall's book for teen girls. I'll be reading it first as she did say there would be things we have to decide if our teen is ready to read about. In fairness I think it's me that will enjoy it more than her. I read more of the comments on her post re what what stay at home Moms do when the kids were at school with the their free time.Of course plenty joked about the cliched eat bon bons on the couch and watch daytime TV(which people seem to think is worse than other TV for some reason). I'm not sure where that cliche came from , it wasn't there before. Women were at home doing plenty of things that probably took us more effort than it does now. Like growing and harvesting vegetable, feeding hens, baking bread, bringing in firewood or turf to keep a fire constantly going, handwashing everything and drying it without a dryer. I presume in Winter things were clean but but smelt of whatever fuel was it was hung in front of to dry.And they had more people around them with bigger families and neighbours helping eachother.I'm sure there was plenty squabling and bitching back then or criticism of who didn't do enough work or didn't do it 'right'.And I don't think any of us want to turn back the clock even though some aspects of this lifestyle do appeal.
Some said they went back to work ,sure what else would you be doing? Others talked about having a day drink, a date with BOB or getting high instead as they found it affected them more positively than alcohol. From what I understand Marijuana is legal in some states in Australia so they probably weren't doing anything illegal.
 I wasn't surprised that they were doing any of these things, I was surprised they were putting it out there on a public page. My days are alot less excitng but yet I'd be scared of the backlash. Especially seeing the trolling Constance gets. To the point there was a secret Facebook Hate Group that sent her threats and naked photos to her ex husband. I mean I don't agree with everything she says and wouldn't be comfortable with her level of sharing but no one is forcing me to bother with her. Much the same as the Kardashians etc. I mean if something isn't for you why not scroll on and give the attention to the things you like? It seems like a a complete waste of time spew hate at someone you don't even know(ditto  goes for people you do know )
I mean how to people put up with it? They share an authentic part of themselves or talents which seems to polarise people. Of course I think negatively but thats generally fleeting. I'm having a bad day, I'm not using my time wisely, why can't I write like her?Thats my thing , my one issues. I do think it's good to share and it makes people feel less alone but making yourself vulnerable is hard.

Penelope Trunk did this when she found she couldn't cope in Boston.http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2018/10/11/the-benefits-of-transparency-are-bigger-than-you-can-imagine-which-is-why-transparency-feels-so-hard/#more-14819http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2018/10/11/the-benefits-of-transparency-are-bigger-than-you-can-imagine-which-is-why-transparency-feels-so-hard/#more-14819 There were supportive comments but plenty saying she'd made her own bed . One even said they didn't like how she advised them when they paid for coaching so they wouldn't be harsh which came across as 'good enough for you'.A few said she shouldn't share so much about her boys, that they will resent her in the future.  'Not that Melissa' ( she's not the Melissa who Penelope writes about) comments that the mores on sharing and privacy are changing so in theory we will all have less shame and uncomfortablness around our so called flaws.

Peak notions

Tis far frrom sweet potatoe and mooli I was reared. Yet that's what I'm having for dinner. My repertoire was fairly limited before but now at least most of it is even edible. I did end up throwing out some food as things got in the way of my schedule of using things up. Only thing is living in the countryside I can justify to myself  the small amount I threw out. I give it to the birds or cows if its vegetable peelings etc and they are in the field near the house. They love bread as a treat to, the cows that is I don't think we're mean to give to birds anymore.

I was watching a short clip today a friend posted. It was about how we have moved away from home cooking and fetishished into something we watch TV chefs do. He said we've convinced ourselves that is a drudgery not a joy. It can be a drudgery though, Penelope Trunk linked to article about this (which I can't find now on her blog) which spoke of gathering firewood , smoky kitches walking'working hours to get the produce and little dogs being trained to turns spits. It can be ardouse,boring and unapreciated . Except when it isn't . You were in a good mood, the fresh produce wasin, short queueand everyone was either hungry enough or just liked your food for a change. Weirdly its often the dish you put the least effort into making they love.
He aknowledged it can cure problems but also create time problems. It is true that we have moved towards processed convenience foods. They are easy and I absolutely do use them at times. But the vegetables I buy may be from depleted soil or chicken may have low omega in it even if it's freerange. The fish may be farmed.And I think the pig maybe only got grain inside. The  heifers got grass as well as grain. I only know this because they were  my boyfriends animals and he bought alot back from the butcher.
We don't really eat lamb but that often gets a fed a diet high in grain even while it's out on the field. Much of this is to do with our demand for cheap animal protein. The rest is  weather and over stocking. If the it rains too much or the opposite grass won't grow . if you are overstocked they eat it ahead of themselves and you have to top them up with grain or other feed.
 Ideally I should be moving away from animal protein.For health reasons if not ethical . It can be cheaper too  At the moment I bulk things out with vegetable and lentils. I add chickpeas but he picks them out , my daughter thinks they taste of nothing but will eat them. She's taller than me now without scurvy or rickets( they seem to be two different diseases but I think you can be unfortunate enough to get both)  so she must be taking in some nutrition from  her diet.
If we did all stop eating meat I'm thinking farm animals would no longer be kept except for zoo's or some sort of  hobby farm where people could pay to see animals we used to farm. The cat and dog food industry might need farm animals unless they too adapt and find what our pets can viably eat instead.
Anyway, heres a  pic of chopped Mooli , Sweet Potatoe, Peppers, Onions and Rooster Potaotes. Chopping is tedius but I do like the laziness of shoving in the oven for an hour to roast.Think I prefer Mooli raw in salads though.

Good intentions

So this 30 day blogger thing is not quite going to plan. I'm getting the blogd done but every single day ,sometimes I do two to make up the numbers. It's still god practice. I could have done it in the morning but instead I di some housework and faffedaround on Swagbucks. Well I did need to get stuff done in the morning as I wasn't sure if I was going to collect a wheelchair with my fella in the afternoon. His Mother is sharper than I am, still does books for a couple of people(even though she's winding that down now) , was able to check up Iceland Supermarket prices online when I didn't give her the receipt-she does feed me sometimes -and insist on paying me the correct amount. But her mobility is getting shook. This wheelchair is a transit one so she will have to be pushed .That might best please her. She 's in her 80's and has been driving since she was 10 as her Dad was a mechanic.THer and her siblings used to go with him to collect cars and when the cops saw them driving back, they would just say you shouldn't be driving ,your're too young, and let  them carry on. Her old car was scrapped and she has notions of getting a new one, wheeling herself out to it and taking off. She can walk but its harder for her now.

 The other issue is her driving licence. She ahs lived here for 40 odd years, passed the driving test here( did't get in the Amnesty which gave people licences without ever having to pass ), renewed over the years and now they are telling her she needs to spend a few hundres euros to become an Irish citizen. This is a recent ruling. She was dispointed after having to travel to the same area we did for the wheelchair, 50 miles away, to be told she couldn't renew. They first told her she would have to get a PPSN , this was in her local area so not too inconvenient. Her daughter immediatly booked this and was informed after re Irish Citizenship. So the Healy Rea's , Brendan Griffin and Norma Moriarty have been written to . Noyt sure how mcuh they can actually influence but it makes my as good As Mother in Law feel like there's something being done. She may never drive again but she wants her licence irregardless.           
                                                    
                                     

Werk werk werk

It's strange , I 've been reading more of the comments on Constance Halls post where she asked what do SAHM's do all day(and hoped they mainlined wine ,sobering up just on time for the school run). I don't tent to read to much of them on Mommy Bloggers(not sure I like this title so much for the genre , I mean they do exhist outside of being Mothers) as they can descend into bickering,defensiveness and the people feeling they have to justify themselves. A follower said she does chores inside and out,runs a small businesss , takes care of her elderly Dad, walks the dog and does yoga while being responsible for 2 girls activities and is still expected to get a job.  She didn't mention a spouse or any extra help so it's possible she's doing everything herself. Which I think is no mean feat even if you have all the help.
Constance replied that society isn't set up for everyone to 'work' ( as in go out to a job everyday) ,some of us need to care for the young and old. Which is bloody work too! But we as a society tend to disregard this work now as something people just have to do and should'nt be paid or receive supports to do.And it is something Penelope Trunk frequently refrains, albeit more bluntly. I do think they both make valid points. The thing with Penelope though is that it scares me when she says that ideally there should be a bread winner and someone who takes care of the home. In an idillyic world this would be fine . But the society most of us live in , I know I'm generalising, we need money to buy the things we need to survive. We don't tend to live communally or near our family anymore so we have to somehow provide these things for ourselves. I'll put it this way , I'm scared of being left high and dry without any money of my own. Hell, when I showed my 13 year old this meme she said 'Why doesn't she have one already?

Marketing

I like Constance Hall, not everything she says or does but theres something thet really appeals to me to me about how her life is panning out. That it wasn't or isn't 'perfect' but she genuinly does seem happy now. She has raised a serious amunt of money to build homes for abused children in Africa where the majority of the donations go to the cause . This is a difficult thing to do.Bureaucracy can swallow alot of it. She seems to getting help with admin on her online shop. Today she posted about genuinely wanting to know what Stay At Home Moms do all,hoping they mainly did what they wanted with their time. As she has done variations of the working/staying at home it is a topic that resonates with her.From a marketing point of view it was Gold.

People immediatly started to post their beliefs about what you should do with your time especially if the kids were at school. This came from full time/part time /stay at home moms. It generated a huge response with people also posting pics and links of creative things they make and sell . It was fab for their business.It's great that she doesn't seem to care if people advertise their own business's or sell /pass on her books or clothing if it didn't quite fit or others couln't afford it. Others just vented a little as they are in the trenches with under 5's (maybe multiple under 5's ) so that helped them feel heard. Some were feeling temporary empty nest syndrome and wondering what to with themselves as they were so used to having their sidekicks taking up all their time.
Others did what my daughter siad I do, list out mundane things I have done all day or say I 'pottered around'. I think I'm trying to justify to myself what I do by saying it out loud. My Seasonal Airbn and Glasshouse work are quite the moment but I have plenty to do otherwise. Yet there's still a little nagging feeling scratching away. It whispers 'Yeah  but, other people do all this ,with a full time job and multiple children. Yes they may have extra help but they do organise it all. And volunteer in the community ,while have a social life'.  I've learned to go do something, anything for  bit to distract me from this. Otherwise you go down a rabbit hole where you end up feeling as if you don't contribute to society (even though you're raising the next generation) and whats the point of you at all?
The funniest comment was 'I masturbate and plot how to get the children to do what I want '
If still havn't done your Christmas shopping heres her shop.
https://likeaqueenshop.com/
                                                 

Aspirations

Generally I don't get caught up in what others have. I get you will be shown the best bits of their lives , not the anoyance but yet I've had a taste of it recently. Of watching others growing gardens full of beautiful fruit and vegetables , with their kids helping and even lighting fires(relax ,his mother was watching him) or having huge birthday parties or getting more qualifications. I'm not usually like this. I feel I'm stagnating. I don't want to 'waste' anymore money or time doing doing courses that I don't really do much with after . Even if I do enjoy the classes and the journey through them. I don't enjoy talking about what I'm doing now with my life. I get pidgeon holed as I don't really have a canned answer. I probably should work at that as the questions are inevevitable.
I have missed a day posting a blog , I'm attempting to publish on every day. Done rather than perfect.I find that my family always seem to need to talk to me or want something if I start typing. Scrolling through the internet doesn't seem to have the same effect. It happened too when I had my teeny bit of a garden. But really I do waste time when I'm on my own. Yup, same 24 hours as everyone else, many perks that others don't have. On the flip side I don;t have the skillls networking or otherwise that others excell at.

Sky falling

I'm thinking more about my own mortality( I wrote mentality first). I'm seeing my immediate family shrinking,people getting older, dying. Growing up and doing there own thing. Connections drifting. Alot through my own fault I don't keep in contact .Not even  with the ones who live near me.Not quite estrangement but distance.I have nothing to say or it really isn't interesting to them.I find I want to avoid it to an extent as it makes me sad. It makes me think of a time thats not there anymore. What happens though when they really are gone? I'm making my daughters circle small. I can't keep on trading off the goodwill that people have towards my parents, care who I'm related to or have crossed my path.
My Mother owns the house I have the use of, the Organic Farmer his own. I'm fortunate they share with me but that might not last .Right now I don't think I will ever own my own house,bought or built but neither do I have the fear of homelessness. It's more a case of lonliness . The wider world might not tolerate my quirks so readily as those who are used to me.There are so many things that they help me with and tolerate. I'm scared of having to be totally independent well I don't know is anybody really but they tend to be more self sufficient then me. And when the rest are gone my daughters stuck with me so I have to do better,save more ,have something to leave her. I don't mean just materialistically , I mean a support network. People who will mind her after  I'm gone. Not when she's young but when she's an adult. Help here get on with life, set up bank accounts, book driving lessons, buy a car, get through college (if she wants to go). I'm haveing a bit of an exentencial crisis about this. Even though the odds are I will live into my 90's like both my Grandmothers ,sure I have a 101 year old Grand Aunt! It feels as if things are pasing me by or I'm not quite up to speed with other people my age or embarrasingly ,younger.
I need to get out of my own head, carry some water or chop some wood, that might help with enlightenment

Checking out

Watching a bit of Gordon Ramsey's kitchen Nightmares. Same deal as Dave Ramsey etc it gets under my skin when he critcises people. He's right -I just don't like the way he does it! Yet if he was nice and quite about it there would be no show. We claim we don't like drama but get bored fast if everything seems amicable. A local business had to close recently due to health and safety violalations. I'm wondering is they are so used to looking at things everyday that they tune out and stop seeing the dirt or don't want to. That fresh eyes saw  the problem  or is that 'there's none so blind as does who don't want to see'. Does life just weigh us down to the point that it's too much effort to keep up the standards?
It's like with your children you fall into habits where you think they only like and can do certaing things.Then someone surprises you by telling you about a something they have done or eaten that they wouldn't do in a million years for you.Us4ually it is a pleasant surprise.
I'm opening my own eyes a bit not too much though. I don't think I can deal with the full extent of mistakes I've made or am making. I'd rather do baby steps. If I look too close I'll get paralysed.
We've all seen these memes about everyone having the same 24 hours in the day (including the Goddess that is Beyonce)
                                           
                                                     



I do need time on my own but I waste rather than spend alot of  time. I 'm taking better care of my money though. I've started to save  €2 per day(well I raid the jar and top it up to what  it should be at again). I've money transferred every month to a savings account and am tring to be cleverer about using vouchers . I mean if you don't  need it anyway and are buying it just because you have a voucher? I doubt Beyonce worries about stuff like this. Maybe she did one time.Or used the 'Arts Grant' as Tommy Tiernan refers to it  i.e lived in the dole. You're allowed joke about this when you when you've mad eit. Then it was worth it and the cogs of capitalism continue fueled by your new your new tax paying wages.

 But what if you don't make it.Aren't other contributions important?Helping your neighbour, giving their kids lifts, pasing things to those who can't reach in the Supermarket. Sounds very twee but I'm to think of things that contribute to society and don't require you to march or petition your local Councillor or become a vegan or The Moneyless Man. It doesn't alwaya have to be militant or public. What if it's quitely picking rubbish up off the beach and chatting to your child as she falls asleep?

Attempts

Im thinking about attempting the 30 Day blogging challenge not because I have alot to say but I need to practise my writing to get unstuck. I can't seem to write fiction at the moment . It's all a bit heavy. I've been listening to Dave Ramsey again. It's still getting under my skin! Same as Penelope Trunk , Tony Robinson and my tutor on the never ending writers course that I'm doing(why I thought no deadline was good is beyond me)I say I want advice and to improve myself but I don't actually want to hear it! I get defensive,have to calm down and then I see the wood for the trees. It's difficult to be objective about ones own life yet we know exactly what everyone else should do. We aren't as emotionaly invested and love to meddle anyway. We are all experts-we are prone to not admitting we don't know. I'm appreciating more the help I have and the help my parents had when I was young. We don't realise until we have to adult ourselves.Whether we are parents or not.I won't say we take it for granted ,it's more a case of we assume evryone else's family helps them .The odd tenner thrown our way ,the phone credit top up or the the food parcel. Instead we miss it it when it stops. When nothing else is coming in to fill the void. When you don't get a break from having to make all the decisions and organise all the back up. When we get decision fatigue, when we have to carry the anxiety of making sure some else is taking care of your kids when you have  to do something else.I'm luckier than most. I'm around alot of the time. My Airbnb is seasonal and and so is the Glasshouse work which means I can largely suit myself. My boss in The Glashouse is flexible, thats partially his personality and partially that its difficult to get people now to do the work. So I tend to be able to re jig  to suit things. I like this-I've loads to do but it's not pressurised. I'm not an organised person so the Airbnb app and my bosses texts help as I can check back and re read them plus Airbnb sends reminders. My daughter is 13 now so if she had to let herself in and I be fine for a short period of time if I'm coming back from either. I used to love that bit of safe independence as a child. My Grandmothers house was only over the road from my parents and Dad used to be around the farm when Mom was at work so I could flit between the two places. She likes it too, heats some food I've left in the microwave and curls up watching Youtube videos for a break after school. We do sit at the table too-I'm not bothered if it's just the two if us. In fact people think she's very quite and mannerly, generally she saves the noise and cutting loose for at home.She's really funny but wouldn't share that with alot of people as she's wary of reactions. Will they laugh or critisise?

Ethics of sharing

Ethics.Daily Mail taking posts from Part Time Working Money page which is public without permission of any sort . They pretty much reprint what was posted with a bit of a byline from the reporter. They quite like to take some of her more sweary quotes out of context and use it as a headline or hightlight it. They did it on a closed Facebook page called 'Feed Yourself on £1 a day by a journalist called Siofra Brennan(whom I'm presuming as some sort of Irish heritage). I was from a thread where a a poster asked about cheap meal ideas and easy ways to prepare them in a hotel room if possible in order to keep down the cost of her trip. None of the names were blurred-she wrote what people suggested and then copied and pasted their quotes. People were a bit pissed off with it as they may not have wanted anyone in their immediate circle to know they were in the group . Some of their suggestions would not really be covered by hotel insurance or encouraged  as they may set off firealarms or leave the room smelling of food(maybe even burnt).
They Daily Mail didn't really apologies either. They said if you posted it online ,even in a closed froup, it was still open to however many thousand members it has.They simply stated they are not obliged to get consent even though politness and transparency indicates they should.I don't think Ive ever commented on that page. I only joined for a nosy to see what I'm wasting and what ideas people had for bulking meals out inexpensively. I'm not on the breadline but I would like to save for when the Old Toyota gives up the ghost and my daughter wants a car/to go to college/deposit for a house. I joined the Food Surviving group too the same reasons. Some of the combinations I would not like or even think of but it gives ideas too for when you are eating though what you have in and are down to your last random items.And you know ,you can jut scroll on if the post isn't for you
I'm on another Get Paid To page where admin periodically have to remind people that you don't know who else is on the page who may be employed by Swagbucks etc. So you know don't post about setting up email addresses to get fake referrals for points etc. They are all for using your time efficiently on these sites but not actually trying to swindle money out of them. They actually have an admin who has an internet marketing agency who is execellent at what she does plus many of the other admins are very good when it comes to tech glitches etc on the sites . They help massively by answering alot of questions that the GPT pages would otherwise have to deal with.
In Part Time Working Mummy's case it didn't really do any damage. she has a book published,merchandise, speaking events and has had sponsorship from Tesco Mobiles. All which means she can monetise her page and continue to help victims of domestic violence while still working part time and caring for her family. The publicity ,even though it was given a negative slant, actually only drew more followers to her page who might not have otherwise have heard of her. I've yet to see something positive from the £1 a day debacle but maybe ot might hightlight that some genuinly can't afford to spend alot on food or even have to think about it as it impinges on other aspects of their finances. I've seen elsewhere 'Would you wear on your shirt what you post online? ' . Of course most of us wouldn't . Same as we wouldn't wear many of our thoughts or private conversations. Because we are complex beings. We say we demand candour but we don't really like it. A little sugar coating and socially subscribed responses keep the world revolving.

And on an entirely different note, Podge and Rodge put  Skelligs Chocolate Factory on Kerry Katonas arse. They reckoned it could be the new Ring of Kerry. Yes their brand of humour probably belongs in the nineties but I still did get a bout of nostalgic laughter at them Monday night.

                                                        

Swallowing Bitter Pills

Listening to Dave Ramsey on Youtube '10 Unbelieveable Calls' and I'm not liking it. I don't have any debt but its weirdly hitting nerves with me. I have an old car which cost me I think €1,500-2,000 can't quite remember as it was 5 or 6 years ago I bought it second hand. Its 2001 and tipping away. I have have €1,000 saved ,all things he advocates .And yet the way the way he's speaking to strangers that I have no connection to is getting under my skin. It's strange as I have read some of his advice and heard others talking about it yet didn't have this feeling. I understand not sugar coating things but he does seem to make these people feel worse first. This is even when he says he has done stupid things himself . It doesn't feel like empathy. This is probably because of my personality type,INFP according to Myers Briggs. This is dismissed by many,not sure I believe it wholesale but it's kind of usefull to give you ideas about how you operate. I think I take things too personally and am far too sensitive.I feel uncomfortable when he says they are stupid repeatidly and oh wow how bad he would feel if he was in their position. People are caught in a cycle of taking loans to pay for things including education( this is US residents) . In the US family don't seem to be able to help their kids financially as much unless they are Ritchie Rich. There seems to be this notion of 'Living the American Dream' .This 'Dream' was aquired by some through the work or land of others, a historical occurence in many countries . So the only way many can see their way to this or the appearance of it is though loans which they can't always pay ot back.This is what they have seen in their own families . Its hard to see the issues with that then. Sure if everyone else is doing it and has debt sure whats's the problem? We all find it hard to be objective.
                                                     

I did feel less icky towards the end of the calls as Dave did give his course for free  and did genuinely help them. It reminded me of places where I've worked in the past.The person who could come across as a bit gruff was the most helpful and the person who seemed so friendly,spoke so nicely to you often left you high and dry.

He does advocate asking for outside help even from your pastor if you are religious. Personally , I don't think your pastor could advise you financially but maybe they could help you steady yourself emotionally. He does send people to paid fro marriage counselling which is important as generally financial issues are usually a sypmtom of a wider problems.I disliked a little what he said about'Gold diggers' when a man who is financially stable and was wondering how to avoid this. Like do these people even exhist ? Or if  they do is it just because there is a niche for them with rich people (not necessarily male) who want want to fund someone to be around them?

There's a group in the UK called Christians Against Poverty who  help anyone with financial /practical advice .In Ireland we have St Vincent De Paul who seem to do something similar .Neither requires you to be a Christian. Generally people don't take advantage but they can be a less than clever.There was a teenager who got a cheque to help him with his education which he posted online beside a photo of a pint saying drinks where on him. Suffice to say the cheque was cancelled and he got a talking to. They will still help him but they will mange it for him.I think they gave him the benefit of being young and oblivious.

I still don't love Dave Ramsey or all his quotes .But maybe if I can be a little more thick skinned  I can be like this in the New Year. Or more likley my daughter. I think she is actually my money Guru.

                                                                                                           

Meal planning

Meal planning seems to be the thing now, think they had a version of this before but it was more of a set menu .Or you know, just eat what was actually there.Pre famine Ireland we seemed to be having more of a seasonal diet with about 20 variations of milk. I presume those that were lactose intolerant could drink goats milk?Maybe they just thought  that cows milk didn't agree with everyone. And oats and barley don't have gluten so coeliacs  were in luck.One thing they seemed to have in common with the Masai is bleeding a cows vein for blood without killing the animal.The Masai seem to add it to cows milk wheres I've seen that in Ireland they used to make a version of black pudding with it. The version I know better is made from a dead pigs blood. There was a local strongman Iron Mike(Mike Murphy) who won several Rás's and Ring of Kerry Cycles who is supposed to have stopped along the way to drink cows blood  and eat raw steaks he bought  fresh from the butchers.To the Masai and pre famine Ireland cattle were valued so they tended to keep them for milk for as long as possible or slaughter bull calves. The Pre famine diet seems to have had greater variation from pig to hedgehog . Can you imagine ifI served up a hedgehog? They foraged more and hunted game until they were prohibited from doing so. I'm not jelous about that part. My foraging is usually limited to the supermarket. I've grown some vegetables but I'm not that greenfingered.


 
This meal plan sounds effortless. And apparently actually nutritious.

Sample meal from Workhouses in the 1840's.Would be kind of handy in a way, doesnt' involve much thinking
Kilrush
Breakfast:Men 4lbs potatoes, 1 pint skimmed milk Dinner:The same, with herring instead of milk in Winter. Supper ,Not always provided.
Women3 lbs potatoes, 1/2-1 pint skimmed milkThe same.
Scarrif
 Breakfast: Men. 5lbs potatoes, 1 pint sour milk. Dinner.the same. Herring when milk cannot be had.The same
Women 3lbs potatoes, 1 pint milk.The same. The same.

Winter blues/Different shades

Mid term over,Winter has come. Not such dark connotations as Game of Thrones would have us believe. Warm clothes,heating on, fluffy socks. A bit sunny day even though it was cold. I was out a a bit in the Wintery light.I emptied the dehumifier -the house is a little older with the bank at the back probably funnelling water from the field down towards it. I do open windows but I do find it good to shut the dehumifier in rooms after, especially at this time of the year.I dunno will I ever get the digger in to slope it away .The Organic Farmer has put it on the ever growing list .
I had notions of getting alot done this week but need to impose deadlines. A touch of the cold has zapped my motivation , if it wasn't that there would be something else. Noone is making me do anything so it's pretty much up to myself. That has its pros and cons.Did some of my self imposed scanning of old photos. Neee to put them in folders and slot them in with the other info I've been gathering about the area I grew up in.Some general hsitory and more on bits I've gleaned since my dad died. Like the fact that my grandfather had worked in England.I'm guessing 'on the beet ' as they ised to say. This was when Irish people went to England to pick and process the sugar beet crop. Another local man did do that and met his wife over there. I was also talking to the lovely man who found 'The Kerry Baby'. I was one at the time. It's being re investigated again and the Guards been calling to him and door to door in Valentia. He was talking about ling go the crowds in town and cars linign up everywhere.Drink driving wasn't as restricted then but the cars were bangers so speed generally wasn't an issue. Plenty mirrors were dinged and ditches swept. His brother worked as a bouncer(he was a tall, well built but gentle) in one of the hotels that used to be packed. He also used to deliver coal and gas . One night his wife said to look ou the window, hos brothers house was on fire. He just saw them leaving the yard in their van.Something caught fire in the deliver truck, burning bags of coal and setting alight industrial drums of gas. They eploded up into the air.One flew ,hitting a ditch in the field and ricoched back ,driving a block in wall of the houe in. People in the are though there wer bombs going off.I remember him bringing household tanks of gas and coal to my grandmother.
Off to the hospital Wednesday with him for his stress test. He was on a blood pressure tablet which made him cough, not good for pulled muscles which they first thought was indigestion(he did try a a reflux tablet but that was unnessecary) , changed them,he started losing his balance and throwing up-these tablets also had vertigo as a side effect. He changed tablet, cough gone, still getting episodes. Turned out it they weren't the problem. He has Meniers Disease an issue with a possible inner ear infection. So now he is on 4 tablets per day and will possibly have more after Wednesday. Well I did joke about getting him a little box for his tablet