Merging

What if the shoe was on the other foot? If you already had a child before we got together? If it was my house and I had to adapt to the extra noise, clutter and dirt? Would I have coped.?Would I have been as accepting. I'm not so sure .You  are the the more tolerant.Would I have fallen at the first hurdle and  not taken 'You're not my Mom' the same way as'You're not the boss of me' ( which is what it really is)Would I have been as understanding as you? Would I have inferred  that your child didn't actually dislike me.They were only trying to cope with having to share their parents affection. That  they were trying to adjust and accept that maybe their biological parent wasn't coming back. Would I have understood I have to be more a friend than a replacement for the absent parent, an added extra.Would I have adapted to your family as much as you have for mine? Would I have been able to deal with the inevitable conflicts that you have faced into? Would I have run from the  discomfort incurred in all relationships and missed out?Maybe , after all I did tell you at the start that a woman needs a man about as much as a fish needs a bicycle .I had decided I was better off single. Sending out the wrong vibes, attracting other broken people. Time alone helped. We joke that its on a weekly bases or depending on the mood , day by day. We have been saying for the last six years. You are not a replacement. You were an unexpected bonus and I think she feels the same. Even if she still says your not her family when she is annoyed and in  the next breathe you're her Fake Dad you have to  mind her.Thank you x

Listening  to a podcast by a lady who was on a course I took a few years ago. She is a visibility coach now, hugely successful.7 figure sum successful. I am happy for her (I like her, she gave me discounted coaching at the beginning). Its more I'm looking to myself, I have started Airbnb and written a few short pieces that have been published in a National Newspaper. I wasn't paid for this but there are options to win vouchers if your piece is chosen at the end of the series. I have done another bit in my writer’s course but that was quite a while since I sent my last assignment in. I haven’t done the next one yet. I'm a bit stuck, my head is full. Before I was a lot better at researching a market and writing in the style they wanted but now I don't read enough either. I still have only done the first assignment in my proofreading course...I procrastinate too much and am petrified of being visible. Yet the two pieces which were published were very personal. I was still very aware of how they would come across to family members or those who knew whom I was writing about. I also sent in anon a blog post I wrote here about the probability of me not having any more children. I didn't want anyone I knew to know I had written it. I don't want to have the conversation with them about it. I am happy that I have a child, I don't know how well I would manage with more. I don't want to hear the suggestions of fertility treatment or weight loss. I don't want to be told that if I had made other choices that my life would be better. On paper anyway. So that my family could tell others what I am doing i.e. working at, being successful at. I am not boast worthy. Not a 7-figure earner like Stacey Sargison. I was on a parent’s council in a school and went to a meeting. A lady there presumed I was a teacher first but when I was chatting to her she realised who I was and said 'Oh, you don't work'. She did not mean it in a negative way, just that I wasn't regularly employed in a year-round, 9 to 5 set up. The way she phrased it was interesting though. See taking care of your home, child, volunteering your time to your school, community centre, fundraising for local causes, doing beach clean ups are not regarded as work. They are not quite valued. It's slightly taken for granted 'Sure it'll give her something to do’. I’m guilty of this too, the same people do an awful lot of this work and I take it a bit for granted that they will always do it.