Reflecting

So I didn't write a blog post every day but did keep going. In the spirit of done is better than perfect I've sometimes posted two in a row. I've gone back -fixed typos but not deleted any post. I've found this a little surprising, even though there are minimal views I expected to have some form of 'Bloggers Remorse'. I didn't go mad buying for Christmas, did get sick of the' what do you want for Christmas?' questions . Sounds ungrateful but as an adult, you don't want to ask for expensive gifts, you have most of what you need anyway(I'm aware that not everyone has this privilege) and the build-up goes on for so long you are kind of over the whole buying gifts thing. And people don't listen to you and buy extras. At least we got something for everyone. There was a mix up with or just ignoring of my Mothers attempt at Secret Santa. We were the only ones that heeded it and only bought for one...They weren't angry. I think they realised what had happened.
  Or maybe that's just me and my 13-year-old. She wanted so much to get things that were 'good' presents, but we ran out of steam. She was really enthusiastic then genuinely exhausted from the count down to Christmas and early school morning starts.
She does like going to the shops but not in the way her friends do. She was horrified when one of them filled up a basket in Penny's, got to the till and discovered it was more money than she had. She promptly got them to refund items. The staff or her friend took no notice, but she would have had to add it up, even roughly, before paying. I would have been midways between her friend and herself when I was younger. I may not have added up correctly before going to the till. Sometimes some small embarrassments help you mind your money without massive consequences.
 I say I didn't go mad shopping. That is until you see the actual haul altogether. I mean I don't buy or wrap my presents all at once so tend to forget what it actually adds up to. I used vouchers quite a bit as my daughter won €100 to spend on O Neill's website, but there was nothing she liked so I claimed it, and I had a €100 One4All which I used on Lifestyle Sports for her. I used discount codes, 3 for 2 /2 for 1 offer (only if I actually wanted the things), money off SuperValu vouchers, Tesco's, Iceland, Dunnes for regular food shops as I have been in Tralee a lot recently and just been better about storing/using food up. I had cash if I needed it then for Christmas. Really I'm trying to save up for when the Old Toyota gives up.
 I bought some chocolates, biscuits, drinks but didn't go overboard. We always get some so end up doing a sort of a swap with people. It means I have something in if someone calls but we won't be still wading through it by the end of January. The Organic Farmer is still avoiding most sweet things but had some Christmas day. Whiskey he rationed but could probably have done a bit more. It was spread out though, and his blood pressure was down before the holidays. I'd say he hasn't undone his work. He's lost several stone. Others have noticed but maybe because I see him most days I haven't.
None of us have been driving early in the morning on public roads. The new drink driving laws can put you over the limit very easily. And straight off the road. I heard one story of a couple who went out left the car in Caherciveen, got a taxi home and drove in to collect their car the following day. Both were supposed to have been breathalysed, one after the other and been over the limit. Of course, alcohol causes incidents but so do drugs, tiredness and speed. People are worried about this over the Christmas and what it might mean for rural isolation and pubs. Nobody thinks you should be allowed to drive drunk, the consensus was that this new law had gone a bit far. The sales of home kit breathalysers will go through the roof. More plastic and carbon emissions getting them to us. Might be an idea to invest in shares.
 His two ovens broke Christmas Eve, fan and regular. We were being fed in relatives houses for a few days so didn't make much difference. I used to see people posting online about this and only ever skimmed the answers. You can survive fine without the oven, you just have to think a bit more what to cook. It works in mine and it's gas so even when the electricity is out, I can still use it. The hobs still work, he has a George Foreman, Slowcooker, Microwave and gas hob thingy his Mom brought for power outages . He'll be fine until the electrition calls. Sure one year my Mother cooked Christmas dinner on an old gas cooker in the garage that still had a couple of hobs and the oven working. I think we just had  less vegetables. Before this kind of thing would have stressed me but I seem to have gotten a little better at weathering events. Thats unless I allow some of my family members to rev me up with worse case scenarios.
One of my brothers new wives was aound( that makes him sound like a poligamist, he only has one). In Venezuela they celebrate on the 24th, stay up or wake up at 12 midnight to open presents the Baby Jesus brings and stay up eating, drinking and dancing. The 25th is for sleeping late and eating leftover pork. Good job I didn't even attempt Passales /Haclates which wikepedia told me was their thing at Chriatmas. I don't I need an oven for them but they are alot of work which would have tipped me over the edge. She's never had them before and though it was some Irish thing.
The Organic Farmer isn't supertitious as such but he does believe in ending the New Year you want to start off. So he pays up all his bills, makes sure he does jobs that day, has food in the house and goes to bed before 12. The last part is more do with not loving New Year though. The rest of his notions I kind of like. Starting the New Year with nothing hanging over you and full bellies. Another privelege not granted to everyone.

Post Holiday

The Festive Season in Ireland is nearly over. New Years I will just see with my daughter and head to bed. It brings up more for me than Christmas. The 4th I'm going to a version of a dinner dance so my daughter can collect a GAA medal. Both of us don't really want to dress up, especially her.

She is 13 and not into dressing up or make up just yet. It can be so uncomfortable because of other peoples feelings. Like once when their was the 4th years play , I overheard adults complaining about one girl looking  grown up ie they had uncomfortable feelings when they looked at her because puberty had hit sooner. Another girl was 'normal' because her appearance didn't have the same effect on them. Nothing to do with the girls themselves only their own feelings.We had a talk about wellness and were told that puberty can start as young as ten or as late  16 so through no fault of their own you have tiny teens in with adult sized versions of themselves.No wonder they have angst.And I wish it stopped at 35.

D Day

Title is melodramatic . I'm prone to hypebole at the moment. caught up in the madness of 'I should have bought different presents, bought  more or not more I should have put home made , handmade things under the tree, what if they hate them ? Sure what if they do ? We all have too much anyway and unless I'm going to start buying cruises to the Bahamas. I'm hardly going to start that.

I don't dislike Christmas, it's the notion we need to be all happy, with perfectly decorated houses, with just the right amount of presesnts , that cost just the right amount and eat things that you might not normally eat as someone , somewhere decided thats whats traditional in your country and  not call yor relatives out on problamatic behaviour because 'it's Christmas'. Funny how that last one changes to suit different times of the year. Maybe my own is terrible and the system is  saving 

The fuss over what is just a glorified roast dinner if you do turkey and ham. In Dublin there are Chinese' Takaway's open on on the 25th whic suits people just fine.I wouldn't be against that idea either. I think I'd prefer it to Polish Carp as fish wouldn't be my favourite. I looked into Venezuelan Passales or Haclates as my sister in law is from there.they are alot of work and I'm not the best cook so I'll try it when theres's less pressure for perfection. I never even asked her if she eats them , her family might not even do that.
I must go to the shop now for papers. I have plenty milk and a loaf of bread. Sure the shops are open Stephens Day again so it's not like we'll die of starvation. 

Maybe I should do what Mercedes did on Hollyaoks, whack everything in the microwave,including the whole turkey, add chips and tough shit if they don't like. 

Theres plenty people who are working over Christmas and shift the date to suit. Sure in in Germany they celebrate it the 24th and some presents have been brought already on the 8th from a version of Santa . Apparently Armenian, Orthodox and Coptic Christians celebrate it on the 6th and 7th of January. And in many other countries who are not mainly Christian they put up trees ,enjoying the tackiness and gift giving part.

In Ireland 6th of January is Nollaig na mBan or Womens Christmas. It's supposed to be when the women of Ireland get the day off from cooking etc.A thank you for all the emotional and physical labour they have done over the holidays. Thay usally go out on the weekend of the 6th. My granmother used to quote an 'Nollaig na mBan, Nollaig gan mhaith'.'Womens Christmas , no good' as long go all the goodies used to be gone by then. It's also the Feast of the Ephinany and marks the end of Christmas for those who celebrate on the 25th.Supposedly when Jesus was to have been revealed as God. The date may have been picked so the Roman Festival of Saturnalia could run into it. Basically the majority of us seem to like time off , presents and overeating so the tradition will carry on, whatever day you decide to celebrate it

Purgatory

I seem to have pulled intercostal muscles from coughing. This happened when in bed, lying down minding my own business. Same thing when I injured my neck and that took a week and a half to loosen. I'm back to trying to use get up awkwardly using the uninjured parts of me. It's in such a weird place - to my right side, under my boob. Advice is to try to cough less -cough is softening after two weeks but not gone yet , take a mild pain killer/codeine and try cough over your shoulder. This does ease it a bit but its still ridiculously painfull. Plus trying to be carefull that coughing doesn't set off alot of other chain reactions I don't want. It's starting to drag a bit.
I still have to get Christmas shopping. I don't really want to but the 13 year old will insist on making some bit of an effort. Sure it can be great cráic but I can also understand people not being arsed when there are no small kids or they don't have extended family they gather with. It is a nice idea to give presents and see people but its the obligation, the build up of it it to be perfect with everyone feeling happy , getting along for the whole time that can can grate.
I'm just feeling sorry for myself and leaning towards begrudgery. I mean I could be homeless in a city, in the pelting rain and cold with pulled muscles from coughing without any hope of medicine food or shelter. With my child. But I'm not , I'm just facing into the usual ambiguas feelings Christmas brings up from missing the dead , resurecting sibling rivallary and cabin fever. It will be strange adapting to new in laws. I do like that I can call over to The Organic Farmers house after Christmas dinner etc .
He will have had his dinner , a few hours with his Mother and sister and be ready to come home check his animals and relax. We will have a few more small presents to open and maybe watch a Christmas movie, eat  Christmas cake and have a drink. And then back to not having it as he is attempting to loose the equivilant of me, or so he says eg about 10 stone.
He lost it all before. He is a stress eater, even though he says he doesn't get stressed . And he has had alot to cope with. but now he is minding himself a bit. My well meaning aunt said I should put him on a diet, at least she didn't say it in front of him. I pushed back against the infantalising of grown men. He has decided to do it himself. Chocolate ect can be kept in the house but he wont have any. He reckons if he starts it would be too hard to ration it. Oddly enough he has no cravings.
 And me I have to learn to ration my drinking. I wouldn't care if I didn't have a drink for 6 months. yet I find it hard to have just the right amount when I do. My tolerance fluctuates too. Not the healthiest advice but I have read if you are drinking more regularly that your body builds up a resistance to the toxins. Long term this may not be so good for you though, whatever about your hangover. I have to find the balance between being entertained, entertaining and not being an arsehole.
It is a balance, the in between that I struggle with, trying not to metahphorically tumble into Hell or ascend to Heaven. Sure one of my Grandmothers, a lady who said prayers everyday yet was not a bit pushy with religion, came to the conclusion it might all be here, on Earth. That Heaven or Hell is whatever you went through or how you dealt with in life. That might be another way to explain why some suffer so much and others seem to be charmed. Or maybe we need to make the most of it while we are here and not wait until we are on the 'other side'.I am dunno really. I'm just here trying to walk the line.

Crap

Don't you just love when people piddle on your parade? I unintentionally did it to my daughter in Aldi I stupidly used my last €2 coin elsewhere and got a basket as the tills were busy, I changed my mind a queued up for a coin as I realised I was asked to get beer and it would be too heavy to lug around. The lady ahead took an age to sort herself and pay( which is fine as it was my problem). My daughter came up to me with a Ginger Bread house and I said sure we can put it in the trolley after, she thought I was dismissing her and never got it after. That was a Friday and on Sunday she said this. My Mother promptly said 'What do want that for, it's crap and what age are you? 'My girl is 13 -we never really did the Ginger Bread House when she was younger so she would just like the novelty of it. Santy is gone so it would be nice to have something else Christmassy and lots of her relatives have died or she doesn't see them so you know, give her a break.
I feel like buying a village of them a gifting them to my Mother and the rest of my family. I doubt they will appreciate it but we could place bets on who makes the most disgusted face or who says the fakest thank you. Might make it more interesting. I really am over even trying to buy for them as I don't know what they would like, it would have to fit in a suitcase (if they even want to take it with) and I'm not rich so can't actually buy expensive items that they might still not even want.
I feel Grinchy, before he turned good. Its Mr Frosty All over again. One year I was too young for him, the following too old. I think I might start a new tradition of giving a Ginger Bread House every year.

Extinct

There's a scientist in her 80's who has spent a full year of her life under the sea if you add it all up. She said there wasn't much plastic in the oceans at the time. We tended to reuse it rather than dumping it. She is calling it the second oil spill in the ocean as our plastics are made using petroleum. When she started working there were 2 billion people on the planet now there are 7 billion.7 billion people who need to be fed and housed. She is warning us we may be responsible for our own extinction. I watched her video but of course, I can't find it now.
It's a scary thought. It brings back to what I have read about Stoneage populations staying fairly static as they didn't allow what they felt was overpopulation. Food was a major issue. They did start to farm towards the end of it and as this developed they allowed their population to grow as they could feed them. 10,000 years ago our population is supposed to have been 5 million. The Hunter Gatherer lifestyle is no longer viable to feed everyone.
But we need to change the way we do it. Farming on an industrial scale can feed us by volume and cheaply but the other side is that it may not be as nutritious and causes pollution. Animal welfare is coming more to the forefront. Domestication is supposed to have begun around 13,000 thousand and 10,000 thousand years in Turkey, Iraq and South West Iran. The farm animals went westward to Europe, possibly sold on as they don't think the farmers migrated. Our bodies weren't supposed to be able to process cows milk a mutation occurred making us lactose tolerant that increased through natural selection. They are surmising that many of us in Europe are descended from cow herders as the majority of us can process milk.
I think of conversations I had with two different people about Genghis Khan of all people. He and his army killed many people, destroying villages. This is supposed to have removed 700million tonnes of Carbon Dioxide from the atmosphere and allowed the decimated villages to go back to forest which produced more oxygen. This was horrific for the people involved but it did have a knock on affect which could be regarded as 'good' for the Planet. Its possible that the mild climate at the time helped him advance as it may have allowed grass to grow which fed the 5 horses each warrior supposedly had. Oddly enough he banned torture, the selling and buying of women and the enslavement of any Mongol(which I presume means anyone he forced to follow him or who joined him voluntarily). The theft of Livestock became punishable by death which seems a bit extreme and yet he was tolerant of other religions. He was an Animist believing that everything has a soul yet interested in other beliefs. He promoted trade, writing and taking a Census. And used unskilled workers as human shields.
He represents the duality of humans we can do both great and terrible things. We are a combination mostly we are not as extreme. And yet we are all products of our own belief system. Some would say he was a great man, to others a terrible dictator. It's like that with our Planet, some say that the cycle, we have a massive disaster which unfortunately kills people to 'resetting ' the Planet. That's difficult to contemplate. Maybe its easier to say this about events that have happened thousands of years ago but I think we would find it difficult to reconcile it with more recent wars and natural disasters.
That said we should probably start heeding what is being said. David Attenborough is echoing what this scientist is telling us. He is seeing a change from his lifetime of making nature documentaries. It might not happen in your or my lifetime but the thought of us being the cause of our own doom as species is frightening.

Walking the line

Not quite managing  a blog per day on average though it is probably going to work out. I'm up so early as a my daughter is gone to Cork shopping for a friends birthday. The mother doesn't love driving (but is still a lot better than myself) and is going to Killarney and then getting the train. It's nice she's taking them but I think my one will get bored after a bit. She does not love shopping as much as the rest of them. . She isn't mean with money, she has no problem loaning money or buying a friend something if they were short of cash.It's just she'd rather hold onto it. The novelty has worn off a bit as we have been to Tralee loads recently as a family member had to go to the hospital. I don't know did I love it either. It's hard as a girl, people criticise if you dress up , dress down, reveal too much, cover up( in their opinion ).Wear make up, too much make up, no make up. It has always been there but in some ways has become more unrealistic.
I've seen several memes of the Kardashians, when they were chubbier and uncontoured, saying 'See I'm not ugly, just poor'.It's mean but the point behind it is we can all have an awkward stage  and even when we grow out of it we may need the help of makeup artists, personal stylists, dieticians, personal trainers and maybe even surgery, not to mention airbrushing, lighting, angles, posing and photoshopping to look like present-day Kardashians. I mean they don't even look like themselves when they get up in the morning
People unintentionally(or don't want to care ' sure it was said to me') say hurtful or uncomfortable things about kissing boys or you don't don't like dressing up. We went to a cousins wedding in the summer and I think the nagging about what we were going to wear put myself and my daughter off going to one again. In fairness, I find them a bit long anyway. But my Mother went on and about how she might accept a  jumpsuit if my daughter wouldn't wear a dress. She thought she was being funny and jokey but it just made my daughter uncomfortable. My Mothers friend did it too, even worse,. She's a really nice person whom I like a lot but I can't unnoticed how much she cares about appearance My daughter really likes comfortable sportswear at the moment. In fairness I felt crappy too as there were visitors coming to my boyfriend's house the same weekend, 2 bathrooms were being finished off and still more cleaning to be done. I had Airbnb changeover the Sunday and Glasshouse work the monday. I'm never this busy!
The wedding was a friday and they were coming the Sat. And I got my period. I wore a dress from the wardrobe. I don't have loads of clothes but I do have some dresses/shoes that make rare appearances for occasions.  I was waiting to see which would work as unfortunately, our figures can change temporarily due to hormones.
It stressed me out. I did get my hair and makeup down. I wasn't going to bother but I'm rubbish at doing either. I left early. I had a headache - 2 dispirin cured when I went home. In fairness, if I had been more relaxed I probably would have made the effort to go across to the shop for dispirin and toughened on. But I just didn't feel like it. My daughter wasn't bothered either. She wore a dress and white converse. The converse arrived the day before the wedding as she really couldn't concenetrate and choose as she felt she was being judged. I got out of her she might like a blue dress. I ordered two from ASOS the week before. One ended up looking cheap, not as good as the photo, was small sizing too. The second was Ted Baker, reduced. The sizing was a little bigger and it looked better than the photo. She didn't love a teeny lace detail which was sheer under the bust line but she wore it with a denim jacket over it and left that on for the day. She wasn't suppered comfortable but she was ok and I had stress over. I din't even think very much about what I was going to put on. And you know what with hair and makeup done it finished it. The dress was a Penny's one my Mother had passed on to me which had a bit of a peplum and strech so my bit of a tummy wasn't squiseh and I could eat. I will never wear spanx but commend peple who can.The Ted Baker was just fitting me so I may get a go out of it as I can't see her wearing it again.
I'm no fun anymore anyway. I try not to drink alot now, I have a man so not bothered about that or dancing. I wish I did like waltzing etc or the disco. I usn't mind the disco part so much before but now I just could't be bothered. My Mother in law said her husband used to go drinking at the bar and she'd usually sit talking and watching the dancing but that gets old after a bit. I'm more self concise about being invited to things but not having events myself . Others are more entertaining, have better sounding jobs, are just more craic. I find I generally amn't bothered but do worry sometimes about making my daughters circle small. But she's an introvert too yet plays sports and has friends. She prefers to text people rather than call same as me and to to be in contact all the time . We need downtime. Peple dont always get that and unfortunatly can alienate our extraverted friends. I need to grow a hide as thick as a rhinos but not sure how to do that. My Grandmother did say my bladder was too close to my eyes

Grand Designs

Watching a re run of Grand Designs with Kevin McCloud helping to build and Eco house using Adobe. This involves mixed clay and water and slapping it onto the walls of the house. He said 'With this method I don't get builders hands I get beauticians hands'. My daughter replied  'And Beauticians Buttcrack'

Loss

I watched a bit og a programme recently. 'Stacey Dooley Investigates Canadas Lost Girls. Stacey went to make a documentary on the disapearance of indigineneus women. There is a strecth of road dubbed Tge Highway of Tears because dozens of women have vanished or been murdered while hitchhiking on this stretch of road since the 1980's. Mostly there seems to have been issues investigating and little prosecution.

 One man Robert Pickton was was convited of murdering 6 women but confessed to his cellmate (an undercover cop) he had killed 49 and would have like to make it an even 50 but got 'sloppy'. He had a pig farm which was used more for parties to raise funds supposedly for worthy causes. One woman escaped after he stabbed and handcuffed her. She managed to stab him in self defence. They were both treated in the same hospital and a key from his pocket was used to open the handcufss. As she had a drug addiction problem she wasnt taken seriously and he wasn't convicted. His clothes from that night remained in police custody for the next 7 years. This was in 1998 and in 2004 DNA was eventually found on them from two other women. From 1998 a farm worker noticed the women who came to the farm disapeared. The police recieived a tip off that there were human remains in the freezers. The police eventually interviewed him about the missing women.They also got his permission to search the farm but it never went ahead.In 2006 he was charged with 27 counts of murder as many of the reamains couldn't be identified. He was supposed to have fed them to the pigs, mixed them with pork mince and possible given some as gifts to the police.
It was any families can only assume he killed their loved ones as there are no bodies for them to identify.Stacey asked if people thought it was because they weren't blond, blue eyed and white that the issue wasn't taken more seriously.
She spoke to a taxi driver. The woman said that the idigenous people's self esteem was bad but you know they should just get a job, not always have the hand out. She also said she asked most people for payment upfront. When Satcey pointed out that she hadn't asked them for money she shrugged. Stacey also said that the indigenious people had been there first .The taxi driver  replied in other countries the indigenious people had to shape up or else. She shrugged some more when Stacey suggested this was racist.She spoke also of them self medicating though drugs and alcohol
Stacey mentioned Residential schools where First Nations children had to attend. Often located far from their family with passes to see them being scarce. It was designed to get the children to move away from their culture and learn English. Many suffered abuse and on return weren't accepted by as they didn't belong to either culture.
It was so sad and has some reflections of what happened in Industrial Schools in Ireland.They were both goverment funded , generally run by religious organisations , supposedly for the welfare of children.
For some reason I thought of this quote by the author of The Wizard of OZ. Tony Robbins read it out on one of his history programmes.I had to google it to get the exact wording .'Having wronged them for centuries we had better , in order to protect our civilization, follow it up by one more wrong and wipe these untamed and untameable creatures from the face of the earth'

Checking yourself

Theres a recent clip from this mrning being shared online about how check yourself for testicular cancer. In this clip Chris Hughes acts as model fro Dr Chris Steel  to show a live testicual cancer check. Of course it  was valuable information but it was unusual. He was waxed and tanned, he is a former Love Island contestant so thats probably mandatory. It did generate lots of publicity though which is no bad but I do wonder will it encourage men to get cheked? Maybe it might make it easier to explain to the doctor 'You that episode of This morning with Chris Hughes, well yeah I want to get that check done'. Or will their other halves make them watch it and hint that they should do the same?
http://www.digitalspy.com/tv/this-morning/news/a871557/love-island-chris-hughes-testicular-examination-this-morning/

Generally on these shows it tends to be more womens health issues and beauty treatments involving lasers or needles that get shown. And Chris's testicle didn't get the backlash this womasn vagina did. People actively complained that that A it shouldn't be shown during daytime TV(even though you didn't actually see anything) and B that a designer vagina was a ridiculous thing to be showing anytime.

But thats why people watch it. Topics that polarise people tend to get more publicty. Like this one for Pole fitness for children. Some people thought it had to many shady connotations others simply admired the athletisim comparing it to gymnastics. Its strange the way we process things. Like wearing your knickers and bra to the beach would be bad but wearing a Bikini is fine even though they both cover the essentials .Sure you can be making up your own minds. Life would be very dull if we wer all the same.Might even get us to explore our Confirmation Bias
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xvo798HfOOo

Peek a boo

I'm not on board with Elf on the Shelf. I think it's a bit creepy to have this creature in your house moving around and watching you. bizarelly Im not as creeped out by the thought of The Tooth Fairy or the ominpresent Santa. Or Jesus/God watching you.Maybe I would have got one if my daughter was younger and others were doing it but it hasn't taken off as much in rural Ireland.It has spawned a whole new market in merchandising,.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_2_5?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=alexa+echo&sprefix=Alexa%2Caps%2C264&crid=1HPVXYWI1H0AE

And one up manship in when it comes to the antics the Elf gets up to.
http://www.dumpaday.com/funny-pictures/this-is-what-happens-when-dads-in-charge-of-elf-on-the-shelf-18-pics/

I feel a little uneasy about the Alexa's , Dots and Siri's of the world. They are there listening supposedly for your requests but  taking in everything you are saying and the sound of what you are doing. There was a case in the US where recordings from Alexa were admisable in in a murder case.https://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_2_5?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=alexa+echo&sprefix=Alexa%2Caps%2C264&crid=1HPVXYWI1H0AE