Purgatory

I seem to have pulled intercostal muscles from coughing. This happened when in bed, lying down minding my own business. Same thing when I injured my neck and that took a week and a half to loosen. I'm back to trying to use get up awkwardly using the uninjured parts of me. It's in such a weird place - to my right side, under my boob. Advice is to try to cough less -cough is softening after two weeks but not gone yet , take a mild pain killer/codeine and try cough over your shoulder. This does ease it a bit but its still ridiculously painfull. Plus trying to be carefull that coughing doesn't set off alot of other chain reactions I don't want. It's starting to drag a bit.
I still have to get Christmas shopping. I don't really want to but the 13 year old will insist on making some bit of an effort. Sure it can be great cráic but I can also understand people not being arsed when there are no small kids or they don't have extended family they gather with. It is a nice idea to give presents and see people but its the obligation, the build up of it it to be perfect with everyone feeling happy , getting along for the whole time that can can grate.
I'm just feeling sorry for myself and leaning towards begrudgery. I mean I could be homeless in a city, in the pelting rain and cold with pulled muscles from coughing without any hope of medicine food or shelter. With my child. But I'm not , I'm just facing into the usual ambiguas feelings Christmas brings up from missing the dead , resurecting sibling rivallary and cabin fever. It will be strange adapting to new in laws. I do like that I can call over to The Organic Farmers house after Christmas dinner etc .
He will have had his dinner , a few hours with his Mother and sister and be ready to come home check his animals and relax. We will have a few more small presents to open and maybe watch a Christmas movie, eat  Christmas cake and have a drink. And then back to not having it as he is attempting to loose the equivilant of me, or so he says eg about 10 stone.
He lost it all before. He is a stress eater, even though he says he doesn't get stressed . And he has had alot to cope with. but now he is minding himself a bit. My well meaning aunt said I should put him on a diet, at least she didn't say it in front of him. I pushed back against the infantalising of grown men. He has decided to do it himself. Chocolate ect can be kept in the house but he wont have any. He reckons if he starts it would be too hard to ration it. Oddly enough he has no cravings.
 And me I have to learn to ration my drinking. I wouldn't care if I didn't have a drink for 6 months. yet I find it hard to have just the right amount when I do. My tolerance fluctuates too. Not the healthiest advice but I have read if you are drinking more regularly that your body builds up a resistance to the toxins. Long term this may not be so good for you though, whatever about your hangover. I have to find the balance between being entertained, entertaining and not being an arsehole.
It is a balance, the in between that I struggle with, trying not to metahphorically tumble into Hell or ascend to Heaven. Sure one of my Grandmothers, a lady who said prayers everyday yet was not a bit pushy with religion, came to the conclusion it might all be here, on Earth. That Heaven or Hell is whatever you went through or how you dealt with in life. That might be another way to explain why some suffer so much and others seem to be charmed. Or maybe we need to make the most of it while we are here and not wait until we are on the 'other side'.I am dunno really. I'm just here trying to walk the line.