Mid Life

Feeling strange, trying to up my mood. nothing bad happened just feeling a bit meh. Looking out all I'ms of slurry around the fields instead of the sunshine glinting on the sea. Funny when you are like this you notice the negatives , when you are in great form , oblivious. Airbnb is going well , my daughter is healthy.And now about a quarter of an inch taller than me, so we discovered on her annual measuring. Unless you do something really neglectful they do keep on growing. I think it may be a combination of things. The 45 year anniversary of my primary school is coming up. I've bought aticket but may use the excuse its the day after a wedding I'm going to. I dont feel successful enough to be going to it . I feel a little as if I'm back where I started when many former students are biologists and  guards. They have moved on to proper adult lives with careers  while I still feel like I'm playing at it.The wedding is making a little angsty for the same reasons. I'll know lots of people at it but may not have spoken to them for a long time so will inevitably have the 'So what are you doing with yourself now' conversation. It's stilted at times, I feel like I'm bullshitting, even though we all tell the best version of our story.I feel as if I havn't 'Made it'. I have a nice life but it's not really interesting to share. I'm not climbing mountains or diving in lakes. I got out of breathe tackling my daughter for the ball today. I can't say I was fit but I usen't be this bad. Maybe I'm having my mid life crisis early. If it makes me take action it might be good. I don't think I'll be repalcing the Old Toyota with a convertable yet.