Hiding

I've been reading  Marianne Cantwell's ( Free Range Humans,http://www.beafreerangehuman.com/) tips on blogging. Think my biggest stumbling block is putting a pic of myself up and writing the About page. So then I can be formally identified, which is a bit scary if my blogs don't measure up...But we all have to start somewhere. That's how Marianne ended up getting her book deal and Tilly ( Tilly and the Buttons). Well, it did help that Tilly ended up on the Great British Sewing Bee around the time her book was released and that there has been a resurgence in all things crafty of late. The timing couldn't have been better, yet it might not have happened.S he was approached twice before about publishing a book and the deals fell through. The third time was really was lucky for her
https://www.tillyandthebuttons.com/

The above is a post from another blog I started a few years ago. I published about 3 posts, had about 2 views in total., which were probably my own. Marianne recently sent out an email asking if people who had done her course would send in a short piece on what had changed with them since they had participated. I sent something in but have a feeling it will be culled. It wasn't very well written or as transformative as Stacey Sarginson Shawe who has become a financially successful Life coach
https://www.facebook.com/StaceySargison/ . Or Maria Watson  @ The Ideas Director'
https://www.facebook.com/thedetailsdirector/

I screwed up and am glad she gave me another chance. I didn't pay attention to the pinned posts on the rules of her group and posted info on other coaches. It was stupid and out of character for me. Not the stupid part-I have done plenty of stupid things. It was my lack of care in adhering to the group rules. I've often thought about others conflagrating rules in other pages and gone to myself ' Why don't they just the pinned post? '
I didn't know this was the definition of conflagration: a destructive fire, usually an extensive one. I knew it meant something destructive and still fits in the sentence. I often can use a word in a sentence because I have a sense of what it means or how it fits from my previous obsession with devouring books. Yet I still would struggle to give a definition if put on the spot. I have taken to looking things up frequently as I'm paranoid about posting something that was in common use but now might be regarded as offensive.

I was fortunate that Marianne kindly sent me an email about it and was very understanding of my embarrassment. She did not have to be, she could have kicked me out and possibly taken legal action. But she didn't. I was allowing a family members action to stress me out and posting as a form of distraction. Yes, I can be self-destructive when I'm feeling powerless but generally, it's to my own detriment and not others( I probably didn't need to add 'own detriment' as it's already implied in 'self-destructive' but I felt like writing it).
I'm still allowing that family member to impact on me. To a lesser extent but it's still happening. I have taken action that I would not have thought myself capable of. I've gathered the outlines of a book on the history of my local area which ties into family history. This is my own project-I can' see there being an audience. I like the idea of self-publishing a copy and putting it away for my daughter to find after I die. I've bitten the bullet and sent a rough draft to a local man who grew up in the area who can fill in the gaps which will die with people as they were never written down. I did ask my Grandmother but she said she didn't know or couldn't remember. Her Mother died when she was young. She herself worked hard farming, baking bread growing up. I think don't think she liked to revisit the memories