Ennui

Feeling indecisisve. read a post about depression and The Impossible Taks. That the thing that is small but seems huge to those in a depressive state, you know like putting on socks,. I'm not depressed, I'm becoming more aware of discrepancies between the way socially adjusted people behave and how I do. It's glaringly obvious I'm too old for this and people no longer going to allow me the benefit of the doubt due to 'youth' . My life is not bad, I'm just stuck in habits that arn't serving me.And its painful for me to think what I have to do make changes.I'm avoiding the process. I want someone to wave a magic wand and poof I'm transformed into a functional adult.I don't want to have to ask for help with many task people take for granted.I want to have one skill(any skill) that people will pay me enough money for that I can have a PA that does all the practical bookings of flights,planes and trains, arranges appointments, runs though whats happening and reminds me of everything.I want to have a talent so spectacular tha it makes everyone ignore all my flaws 'because she is a genius at x'. Why can't I be a Savant? Yes limitations go with this but to have a specialist skill would be great instead of being below average at everything and not having the personality to make up for it
Really I'm not sure if theres actually anything wrong .Maybe it's 'Back to School Blues' ? It's strange without my daughter . Even though alot of the time we were both watching our own thing in the same room. My boyf has taken his Mother to the hospital to get her cateract operated on, I have neither of them  to have lunch with( usually my introvert self loves this) my last Airbn guests are finishing up, The Glasshouse does not need me today and I can't motivate myself to usefull stuff like meal planning or cleaning. Of course this will pass, it's a momentay deflation. The sun is shining, I have laundry on the line and did enjoy my solo lunch.I've got my Bookeeper friend looking at my accounts for 2017 and she will do me the favour of checking my 2018 so I make sure to put in all my expenses. It's different if you are living in the house or if its a seperate property so it's good to get someone with a better head than me to look at the figures. What I have saved isn't massive , one bog bill could wipe it out, it's still better than none at all.I'm looking forward to having my space back a little and rejigging, one group said less furniture in the rooms would be better. I think I could rehome a filing cabinet that has no business in a bedroom. I bought a high chair and a travel cot in charity shops as guests asked if I coudl get them. I need to find a the best space for these and stack chairs in a better way. sometimes I only have a couple others times they want loads of chairs if they have friends to visit during their stay. And back to chopping wood, well breaking up rotten pallets. I will be needed agin in the Glasshouse for shamrock planting, the colder weather will be nicer for working there , fires and candles will be lit soon, football will be finishing and I will have time to regroup for the Winter